CRAP/ My Journal by Al Brathway

June 8th, Friday/ Last night I watched the first game of the NBA Finals. It was a good game... Both teams played hard! LeBron James did not fair too well against the Spurs defense but I imagine that he will figure it out during the course of the series. Having said that, I think the Spurs will win the series because they are my team. I just don't understand why they don't get the attention they deserve?/ So, I'm sitting there, watching, and I had this eerie feeling come over me. I was starting to identify with the Spurs in some zen like fashion. It felt like there was a ghost in the room with a Spurs jersey on or something. Everytime the Spurs had the ball on offense or they did something great on defense, I felt this... this something pass by me or go through me or hover around me. At first I thought it was just a draft in the room but as time went on the feeling was more pronounced. It wasn't cold or hot... It was just... There! And it felt soooo gooood too! I felt myself getting real happy... Giddy in fact!/ So I'm watching the game and, now, I'm starting to reflect on my high school days when I played basketball. I remembered being on a predominately white team, yet I was the best freethrow shooter. Here I am, 6'3, 185lbs., playing forward, averaging 15pts. and 10 rebounds a game, taking all kinds of punishment from the opposing team's power forward... Going to the foul line and sinking foul shot after foul shot after foul shot at an 85% clip... My memory is getting more and more vivid. I'm starting to remember all kinds of things I've done that helped the team win... Then, all of a sudden, things started to go BLACK! I wasn't feeling so "giddy" anymore. Tears started to stream down my face... The game ended and the Spurs won but I wasn't feeling all that great anymore. I was having the same feelings I had when I played high school basketball. I was instrumental in winning games for the team but... I didn't feel like "the man!" And then it hit me... It was my moment of truth. I started to understand why I identified with the Spurs so much! It wasn't because they won or Tim Duncan or the coach or any of that type of shit. I liked the Spurs because, like them, I was great and hardly received any recognition too, and now I'm sitting there, watching, and being reminded about how my sorry and painful adolescent life unfolded!/ CRAP!