December 24th, Thursday/ I hate the X'mas holiday! Hate it! Outside of it being Christ's birthday, X'mas is lost on me.I cannot get into the family thing. My family just happens to be dysfunctional so what's the point in getting together? All we do is argue. I'm tired of that shit!
I would rather stay where I am, sit on my ass, and let the holiday pass.I don't get presents, I don't feel "warm and fuzzy" when we all get together and I hold grudges from past family transgressions and trespasses against me. Grudges is all I have to fight the fight with. I would love to put my foot in some body's ass but you can't do that to family, can you? So, what I would rather do is be left alone. I don't want to know about my family's problems... I have my own. I am not interested in who is sick and shut in... I am sick and shut in. I keep hearing the argument that the family is old; I am old too. Have respect for my age and my aging process. Why do I have to endure everybody bullshit and not receive what I give in return?
I know this may (or may not) sound petty but that's what families do. They act petty with the understanding that you should understand their pettiness while they remind you of how petty you are being!
Next year, I will be doing a very private holiday thing. I will sit on my ass and let the holiday pass me by. I have grown out of honoring a present rather than honoring Jesus. Besides, being a member of a dysfunctional family, there is no point in buying presents anyway. Who knows any one's sizes?
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