CRAP/My Journal by Al Brathway

September 27th, Thursday/ I was watching ("should not watch") tv today and I saw a program about rock star daughters and how their lives unfolded being the daughter(s)and son(s) of rock royality. The drugs, the groupies, the road trips, the shows, the sex...! Oh the agony! Then there are the problems that existed because of this lifestyle. The neglect, the tears, the conflicts...! They also talked about the REAL problems; the mansions, the parties, the language, the antics... AND THE DAMN MONEY!!! / Having lived most of my life in relative poverty and looking back on it, given the chance, I would have traded my pitiful life for the rock star life in a (hot) damn heartbeat! Poverty sucks! And, it brings on a set of problems that makes the other lifestyle look like paradise! Hell, my father wasn't around and I was poor... That's like double jeopardy. At least the money would have served as a surrogate. I could have, at least, bought a father! Plus, I would have had a segway into show business instead of this "go to an interview and get your ass rejected because you don't fit their criteria bullshit!" Why would I care if I get hired because of nepotism? Nepotism trumps "qualified" anyday from where I'm standing! AND THE PERKS...!/ Crap!

CRAP/ My Journal by Al Brathway

September 26th, Wednesday/ Man, I was watching a show last night about what it cost to create a beat for a rap song and it hit me like a shot... Nas (the rapper) is right. Hip Hop is DEAD! I remember when hip hop got started. It was a movement. It was a mobilization of young people creating a subculture and being heard. It started a new language, a new dance, a new artform... It started a new dress code and new music and a whole new way of life for young cats! Even though it was out of my reach, I was feeling it bigtime! But now... Something got in there and f#@ked the whole thing up! Now you have the same elements that screwed up the principles of America screwing up the hip hop movement! Back in the day, rap music had a deep message for the community... It was about uplifting a race, a generation... Now all they talk about is assimilating the unethical rich. Hell, the forefathers of hip hop must be spinning in their studio chairs, seeing the kind of money they can't make because the movement has passed them by... the very movement they created! How sad is that? You create something with all the right intentions only to have it snatched from under you because you didn't get it patented!/ Sorry, I gotta go. I feel another movement coming on... It's my bowels./ CRAP!

CRAP/ My Journal by Al Brathway

October 25th, Tuesday/ DAMN! It has been too long since my last post. I have been in a world of psychological trouble since my... Well, you know, my last rant. No... I'm okay but, well... I'm not really okay. I have just run out of money and I still have no job. I have been interviewing but I've had no luck. I don't really know what to do at this point. I was thinking of becoming a writer but I'M ALREADY A WRITER! For several reasons, I have not sold anything. I think I'm suffering from the fear of failure and the fear of success simultaniously. That makes me sort of a schizophrenic only I don't believe that I am. So that lends itself to be being psychologically unstable, which means that I should be on some sort of medication(s)... However, I have no job so that means I cannot afford the meds I need to balance me out. So, of course, no woman will have anything to do with me because I have no job to remedy all of the other shit wrong with me, which helps to keep me be unbalanced. Being unbalanced, I worry. When I worry I get nervous. When I get nervous my head starts to hurt and I cannot maintain my balance, which makes me act like a "schizo", which lends itself to me being (psychologically) unstable and the saga continues...(HELP!) Crap!