CRAP/ My Journal by Al Brathway

July 3rd, Tuesday/ I got up this morning and immediately turned on the TV. I caught a video of Green Day singing their song "Working Class Hero" and I thought of how I used to think about fixing America... Not changing it... Fixing it! What happened to those thoughts? I grew up in the '60's when America was going through a big social transition. Black folks were in a revolutionary frame of mind. White folks were turning into hippie types... It was about people becoming politically aware and feeling the pulse of a nation. Granted, it was not a perfect America but it was fixible! I grew up with that thought firmly planted in my brain./ The song ended and I changed the channel. I caught the beginning of the new Paula Abdul Show and saw her fawning over some diamond jewelry valued at $1,500,000.00 and she had some little dogs running around. She commented that she hoped the dogs did not try to eat the jewelry, with a little chuckle... (Mind you, she left the jewelry on her bed and allowed the dogs to jump all over that bed!) And, like on cue, one of her dogs tried to swallow a diamond ring!/ It was at that moment that I no longer felt like I wanted to fix America (over 30 years of thoughts down the fucking drain!). Americans seem to be too stupid to be fixed! With the activity going on in West Africa about the diamond trade... You know, children losing their lives for a nugget and all... It would have been a shame if that dog swallowed that ring. Would it have been worth it that the kid that got his ass killed, die only to have some untrained dog of the infamous Paula Abdul swallow it? What would have been the point to die for that? CRAP!

CRAP/ My Journal by Al Brathway

June 17th, Sunday/ Sunday... Ahh... Sunday is my creative day! Why? I have no idea. It seems like nothing can get me down on Sunday. Sadly, that is not the case this Sunday! / My routine started today like it starts every Sunday. I got a good night's sleep. I got up early, came downstairs and turned on the TV to watch Sunday Morning. I like that show! They hardly ever feature a story on someone Black but I kind of understand that living in America. To the powers that be in America anything Black is not cool so why bother? Anyway, I saw this piece on a French singer named Edith Piaf, who was advertised as the French Judy Garland (No, Judy Garland was not Black either!) There was nothing special about the woman by any standard except that she grew up somewhat similar to the way I grew up (poor!). But there was a statement made about her that struck a cord w/ me. "She was in love with love!" (Damn, just like Judy Garland!) Imagine that, I thought... This woman was in love with love!/ I was in love with love, once. The very idea of it, during the day, would have me dreaming about it all night! Because of it, I had a reason to live... I felt alive when it crossed my mind. To love love.../ What is it about being in love with love? Why do people do it? Is the world really that screwed up that people would even consider the possibility? Any other type of love is 10 times more lethal! Yet, being in love with love will foster the same result. Piaf died with some illness but I believe it was the notion of being in love with love that killed her. Just like it is killing me! Sure, they will say that I had some sickness that went undiagnosed and that my heart quit. Damn right it is gonna quit. It's gonna quit because being in love with love was and is a stupid endeavor. But, when you think about it, if you don't love yourself or nobody loves you, being in love with love doesn't sound so stupid after all does it? CRAP!