Shit Happens

August 13th, Monday... Far be it for me to judge but what is wrong w/ the Black Church leadership? Why are the parishoners so angry? The church I attend has me all confused. I'm thinking that the people would be more cheerful and friendly but all I'm getting is attitude.
If I had the relationship w/ GOD the way some of them claim to have, I'd be happy all the time! I mean, what would I have to be angry about? My future is secure (you know, I'm going to Heaven!). Whatever I'm gonna get has already been promised to me! I don't have to worry about dating or marriage (I'm already dating Jesus!). What is the problem?
I mean, I like it there and all but... Sure I can leave but what guarantee do I have that the atmosphere is any better than where I am? I guess my alternative would be to not go to church at all! What good would that do me? I could go to a "white" church but I don't like being stared at. I'm confused... Lord have mercy!

CRAP/ My Journal by Al Brathway

October 8th, Monday/ Today is a holiday but it feels no different, to me, because I don't have a job... So what's the difference? Everyday is a holiday to me! However, this is the time of year, for me, where there are a series of holidays that effect me in the weirdest way. They are Holloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. These three holidays reming me of some real good times during my childhood. Man I enjoyed these three in particular. And, it wasn't just the holidays that did it for me... The anticipation of them was smokin'! As a matter of fact, the actual day was anticlimatic compared to the days prior to... But Father Time and adulthood has ruined everything for me. I don't even get pleasure watching kids go through the anticipation process. I'm like, "...let's just get them over with already!" And, to "add insult to injury," the new year comes in after Christmas and my birthday is in that month. Then I become a year older and fall deeper in the abyss of depression. (Hey, I'm in the last third of my life!) Soon it will be all over for me! Then what? Hell? (Are there holidays down there like the ones up here?)/ CRAP!