CRAP/ My Journal by Al Brathway

June 17th, Sunday/ Sunday... Ahh... Sunday is my creative day! Why? I have no idea. It seems like nothing can get me down on Sunday. Sadly, that is not the case this Sunday! / My routine started today like it starts every Sunday. I got a good night's sleep. I got up early, came downstairs and turned on the TV to watch Sunday Morning. I like that show! They hardly ever feature a story on someone Black but I kind of understand that living in America. To the powers that be in America anything Black is not cool so why bother? Anyway, I saw this piece on a French singer named Edith Piaf, who was advertised as the French Judy Garland (No, Judy Garland was not Black either!) There was nothing special about the woman by any standard except that she grew up somewhat similar to the way I grew up (poor!). But there was a statement made about her that struck a cord w/ me. "She was in love with love!" (Damn, just like Judy Garland!) Imagine that, I thought... This woman was in love with love!/ I was in love with love, once. The very idea of it, during the day, would have me dreaming about it all night! Because of it, I had a reason to live... I felt alive when it crossed my mind. To love love.../ What is it about being in love with love? Why do people do it? Is the world really that screwed up that people would even consider the possibility? Any other type of love is 10 times more lethal! Yet, being in love with love will foster the same result. Piaf died with some illness but I believe it was the notion of being in love with love that killed her. Just like it is killing me! Sure, they will say that I had some sickness that went undiagnosed and that my heart quit. Damn right it is gonna quit. It's gonna quit because being in love with love was and is a stupid endeavor. But, when you think about it, if you don't love yourself or nobody loves you, being in love with love doesn't sound so stupid after all does it? CRAP!